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  • There are three types of people in the world, those who don't know what's happening, those who wonder what's happening and those on the streets that make things happen.

Heavenly Father, may I Holla at You Briefly

Posted by Raunak Mahajan on September 1, 2012

I believe in God. Yes, I do. I practice Hindu rituals to reach out to the Supreme, but I do not belong to a religion. I respect all religions and their Gods because I do not want to play with fire. What if I diss Jesus in this life and after death I come face to face with him! What if I irk Allah and realize after death that the Quran was right all along! No, don’t mess with any religion or God because you never know what may really happen. Respect them equally and give yourself a chance in Heaven.

But seeing Clint Eastwood’s deep exchange of words with Obama at the RNC, I couldn’t help think of a scenario where I could question God myself. And it happened. That night I had a vision, and here is the transcript of my  chat with the Divine himself.

“So God, how do you handle promises you have made when you were busy sending your messiahs to Earth to deliver your message. How do you handle them? and how do you handle them? I mean, what do you say to people?  Do you just — you know — I know — people were wondering — you don’t — handle that OK.

Well, I know even people in your own party, Zoroaster, Buddha, Mahavira, Abraham, Moses, Jesus, Prophet et al. were very disappointed when you stopped the Crusades. And I thought, well continuing the Crusades, why go on with it, we had already lost so much blood in it. But, I thought maybe as an excuse– what do you mean shut up?

OK, I thought maybe it was just because somebody had the stupid idea of setting up a country in a burning, barren, scorched, unforgiving land that is Jerusalem. I’ve got to to hand it to you.  I have to give credit where credit is due.  You did finally overrule that finally.  And that’s — now we are moving onward.

I know you were against evil, and that’s okay. But you thought giving birth to Pol Pot was OK. You know, I mean — you thought that was something worth doing.  We didn’t check with the Jews how they did from 1930 to 1945.

But we did it, and it is something to be thought about, and I think that, when we get to maybe — I think you’ve mentioned something about having a target date for bringing everybody to justice, The Judgement Day.  You gave that target date centuries ago. My questions is, ‘Why don’t you judge us all tomorrow morning?” And I thought — I thought, yeah — I am not going to shut up, it is my turn.

So anyway, we’re going to have — we’re going to have to have a little chat about that.  And then, I just wondered, all these promises — I wondered about when the — what do you want me to tell Socrates?  I can’t tell him to do that.  I can’t tell him to do that to himself. You’re crazy, you’re absolutely crazy.  You’re getting as bad as Scientologists.

See I never thought it was a good idea for a man to be God. Men are so macro oriented. You know they are always looking at the big picture. But, I think it is maybe time — what do you think — for maybe a Woman.  How about that? A stellar woman.  Quote, unquote, “a stellar woman.” And I think it’s that time.  And I think if you just step aside and a woman can kind of take over.  You can maybe still keep sending your messiahs once in a while.

OK, well anyway.  All right, I’m sorry.  I can’t do that to myself either.”

~~~~

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2 Responses to “Heavenly Father, may I Holla at You Briefly”

  1. Your post made me smile for the first time today—thank you.

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