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Posts Tagged ‘Arts and Entertainment’

How to write a rap song these days

Posted by Raunak Mahajan on March 5, 2013

0:00-1:00: Name all the artists collaborating with you in the song. What sets you apart from other rappers is the you pronounce these names.

Chorus: Tell a fictional girl how badly you want to “do” her and how lucky she would be to let that happen.

1:15-1:45 : Bless the listeners by sharing which neighborhood you belong to, which country you come from, which country your mother and father, brothers and sisters come from (even though in reality they all hold US Passports!)

Chorus: Tell a fictional girl how badly you want to “do” her and how lucky she would be to let that happen.

2:00-2:30 : Glorify suffering, infact glamorize it. Narrate your struggles in life, the drugs, the abuse, the thugs, the gangsta neighborhood you grew up in, the bullets you dodged, the cops you beat up, how many times you’ve been out on bail. (even though in reality you were just another kid growing up in a wonderful family in quiet Farmington!)

Chorus: Tell a fictional girl how badly you want to “do” her and how lucky she would be to let that happen.

2:45-3:15 : Disclose your assets (imaginary as of now, but ones you will actually own once you sell this song)..the blings, the rocks, the bentleys, ferraris etc. Name your enemies and how you plan to kill them, make it sound more like an execution.

Chorus: Tell a fictional girl how badly you want to “do” her and how lucky she would be to let that happen.

3:30-4:00  : End by again naming all the artists that joined you in this song (those poor souls will never be heard of again), and make the listener feel blessed that he has by now memorized every word of your BS!

That’s it. I’m done.

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RIP Rap

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